The Human Nature of Connection

Every choice we make
And every road we take
Every interaction
Starts a chain reaction
We’re both affected
When we least expect it
And then when we touched
And it all connected
And then when we…

It’s embedded in us. I’d almost say it’s a part of our DNA, Connection is a basic human need. Connection, intimacy, belonging, being understood. If it’s so basic, so instinctive, so necessary… then why is it so rare?

We live in world surrounded by over 7 BILLION people. 7 Billion! How many do you know? Forget about how many you know, how many people around you can you say you have a close and meaningful relationship with? Usually this interaction is limited to our family and friends.

We like the idea of wearing our hearts on our sleeves, of being open and vulnerable to every possibility but in our moments of honesty, how much of ourselves do we really put out there? And how much are we expecting to receive?

I recently read a post by a stranger on the Humans of New York page, which said:

“Sometimes it feels like I’m not a part of anything. There are so many people here, you’d think that I’d be able to make friends with one of them. But it always seems like everyone has got their own thing going on, or their own group of friends that they hang out with. Most weekends I just take a long walk, or go to a restaurant by myself. I’ve done some neat things alone, and I’m glad that I did those things, but I’m really getting to the point where I’d also like to experience things with other people. Everybody tells me: ‘You should do this,’ or ‘You should do that.’ But nobody says ‘Let’s do this,’ or ‘Let’s do that.'”

This hit home. Now I don’t know this woman, but somehow she doesn’t feel like a stranger anymore. That’s because no one ever is. We are all just friends waiting to be reunited. At least that’s my Utopian mentality.

“Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.”
— Jodi Picoult, My Sister’s Keeper

I’ve said this before but they are people out there that we don’t know that we might have more in common with than our closest family members or friends. Someone going through the same process as us, thinking the same things, feeling the same things in different contexts.

This is the true nature of life, of humanity. This is the underbelly of society; in truth, we are invisibly connected by our thoughts and our emotions; by our energies.

Now, in my personal situation. I just moved to a new city and the buses and the subways are crowded, there’s people everywhere I look, but no one talks to anyone. I’ve joined organizations and groups linked with my interests and even these amazing people I’ve met only relate to me through that social circle.

There’s a sense of loneliness creeping into me. And i find it funny because deep down I know that I am not lonely. I am alone, yes but not lonely. I am everything I need, all that I seek. But I am also a creature of connection. I crave meaningful relationships with other human beings. It’s how I learn, how I grow. And i’m devoid of them.

“I enjoy controlled loneliness. I like wandering around the city alone. I’m not afraid of coming back to an empty flat and lying down in an empty bed. I’m afraid of having no one to miss, of having no one to love.” —Kuba Wojewódzki

I’m just looking for someone who would want to kidnap me at 2 a.m. to have an honest and full length conversation about life, about human beings, about stars, about where we are and how we feel, about dreams, to laugh, to cry, to share. Am I asking too much?

I don’t want to be one of those people. I don’t want to be like everyone else. I want to be the kind of person that breaks the silence. That tears down invisible walls. I’d want to be the person that says “Let’s do this”. I want to be the one to Find the Others. But sometimes I fall short.

I realized there’s nothing much that I need to do. I just need to be. Inevitably, we attract what we seek. Things come when they’re ready. When it’s meant to be. So the virtue of patience is all we really need and the courage to live authentically. To be you. To be me. The real you.

I have many friends and family, people I know on such a deep and personal level. Our connections are transcendental, not limited to physical space or time. They all live very far away from me. I’m always travelling and the fog of daily routine fills up our lives. Sometimes we don’t speak for weeks, months, even years. But when we do, it is a treasure.

They are people so close to us that mean so much to us, but do they know it? One thing that I am currently working on is cultivating my already existing relationships. Not because I take them for granted but because I can give & get so much more from them if I put in a little extra effort. And you know the people that are worth the effort.

Are you feeling lonely? Is there anyone in your life worth making an effort for? If so, are you making it? If so, how can you improve on it?

Maybe it’s just me but I’m pretty sure i’m not the only person on Earth to ever feel lonely. In those moments of loneliness, I remember the one relationship I will always have. The one with me. I implore you to get to know yourself. To seek the joy of your own company. The more you discover who you are the better you will relate to others and the easier you will attract things more aligned with your true self. 

PS! –

If you want to learn how to be alone without feeling lonely, click here (you won’t regret it)



6 thoughts on “The Human Nature of Connection

  1. I could really relate to this post. I grew up ill so spent a lot of time alone but also had a physically close group of friends, too. As an adult that has seemed much harder to create. i have moved around often so thought perhaps that was the reason, but even when living in Seattle,for 14 years, it was as you describe…people too busy and people within groups only connecting within that function.

    I am on the road now but planning a trip back to Seattle soon. I wrote out a list of people/couples to see, and it comes to 17, which feels so odd, as i will make a point to see all of them and yet, while living there, I rarely saw them. We have stayed in touch so I will make the effort to see them physically and yet while living there, they were mostly too busy.

    I enjoy my time alone, but am yearning for more of a sense of community!

    1. Thank you for sharing katelon! I know exactly what you mean, when I lived in my hometown, I rarely saw my friends but when I started travelling, my absence made my presence felt so now we make the effort to really connect. I loved what you mentioned about a sense of community, I think that is the foundation of society, organizations, religious and spiritual parties. They create a sense of belonging and unity. How would you create your community? I have been craving a different type of community. Of kindred spirits. Of souls who flutter not too far from each other. A community of awakening. It is my dream to create or be a part of such a community. That’s why I do what I do, in the hopes it will attract the people it’s meant to.

      1. I have the feeling that even if I returned to living in Seattle, the pattern would return to it’s old pattern of only occasionally seeing my friends. But since it will be ‘get it while you can’, they will probably make the effort to see me while i am there. I have been researching wellness centers, learning centers, resorts, communities, sustainability for over 36 years, and have known I am to create an International wellness/transformation/resort/community for people to visit as well as live in. I have lived in a community as well. I believe our world is moving toward a place where connection, relationship, community will be more and more important, valued and present. People are so caught up in economic enslavement now, and other dark patterns, but i believe that is ending soon and Oneness will be more the norm 🙂

  2. Again, a thoughtful and deeply resonant post. We do all need to cultivate our primary relationship with ourself and creator first, then all the rest falls into place. Often we are not taught this, so must stumble through the uncharted territory on our own. Well worth the effort, though it may feel challenging at times. We are hardwired for social connection and loneliness can cause illness and death. Like the phone ad put forth, “Reach out and touch someone.”
    PS Your post says 7 MILLION people, not BILLION. It did leave me wondering just what the world would look like if the population really was 7 million. 🙂

    1. Hahaha a typo is rare but likely to happen, thanks for pointing it out and indeed… a world with only 7 million is worth wondering about. I wonder if we would still feel like a speck in the vastness or if we would have more of a sense of closeness to one another? Studies show that in less densely populated cities, people are much more familial with each other. So it’s really something to think about 🙂

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