A song for the Empath Heart

I’ve been MIA for quite a while. Work, Life, Family, Duty, Responsibility… all that gruelling stuff left me empty. Usually I’m better at handling these things, but it’s that time…retrograde, internal shifts, personal transformation, my body replacing every cell… and it snuffed the wind out of me. I felt tired, drained, empty.

How do you write from a space of emptiness? How do you share? How do you connect?

You don’t.

I knew I had to do something to get me out of the funk I was in. So you might’ve noticed the site is a bit different 🙂

Also, I’ve joined a writing course. It’s 30 questions in 3o days hosted by the striking Jeannette Leblanc.

We’re now onto day 8 I think or day 10? I’m not quite sure. I don’t write everyday… I haven’t been able to keep up with the questions but I love that I have them and I when I find the time I sit with them.

Today, I’d like to share what I wrote in response to the question of day 4. I didn’t expect it to come out the way it did. It seems like an ode or a pledge or a motto for empaths everywhere.

The art of writing what you’re feeling is pure magic. when someone shoots you with a question that hits as straight as a bullet you can do nothing but take the blow and let it flow…

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Question 4: Do you feel it is a weight or privilege to feel the world as deeply as you do? When it gets to be too much, how do you cope?

For years, the ignorance of being an empath felt like a curse. I prayed for someone else to notice too. If there was a fire, at least it’s something you could see and smell, you’d react immediately. Call whoever you call in emergencies.

I pray for a world, for a future where a broken heart is treated just as gently as a broken arm. Where we don’t need bravery to stand up and say to someone else “I’m not okay”. A future where our health plan includes mental sick days. None of us are really, truly okay. We’re all just trying our best. Falling down and getting back up again.

Let’s be more compassionate. More honest. More open. How sad it is that we can hide it so well, that they are masks big enough and strong enough to hold all the shame, the guilt, the doubt, the fear within. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?! I probably asked myself this question about a hundred times. Why are we so far from where we want to be, why do we pretend to be okay, what the hell does that mean anyway?!

I look at the old man sleeping on the streets and I know the drug addiction doesn’t let him think of much else, but I once knew him and he wasn’t always like this. He would be happy even if he had no home, no food or clothes, he’d be happy if he could get his daughter to look at him again. That’s the weight….

But you see that secretary at the bank? You could never tell but she loves to smile and let her hair down and go wild. Oh, you gotta see her dance. See that school teacher? He secretly thinks all his students are superheroes. That single mother? You don’t need to worry about her. Lorelai Gilmore is her role model. That teenager that hides her face under her dark black hair? She’s the smartest girl in the room. She’s going to grow up to do great things, just give it time. That’s the privilege.

I wouldn’t have it any other way. That’s just the way it is. We’ve been experiencing dichotomy ever since we entered these bodies. I’ve made my peace with the duality. If you want to feel, you gotta let it all in. I’ll admit it does get to be too much. I feel defeated at times. I’m waving the white flag but nothing… the war goes on.

What do I do? I retreat. I go inward. I go silent. I go numb. I go deaf. I go dumb…. Other times I break open, spill my heart out on the asphalt, I watch as little flowers grow along the sidewalk where the cracks once used to be. Other times I am the embodiment of mercy. I give what I have, I give what I don’t have, I give until it bleeds. I give it all away.

Most of all, I just sit and close my eyes and envision the light. I smile as I begin to feel the vibe of the beauty and love within me. the softness with which I think, act and speak. The power I have to fill myself with what I need. I am the best of me, I am the answer I seek. My fire burns fiery, deeply, kindly and honestly. Can you see it? That light in you. Does it ache for love, peace and truth too? Wake up and ignite with me. Will you burn with me, my friend? Let our fire guide the innocent and the lost. Heal the wounded and the broken. Let us rekindle trust. Let us bring back hope. Let us show hearts how to find their way back home. I cannot do it alone.

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Look… Listen…

We live in a world of contrast. Of duality. Of division. Of perception. Of perspective. Of difference. Of illusion…

We focus on the little things. After all, these are often the big things in our life. We focus on our family, friends, work, our belongings, our dreams. Each one of us has a bubble we can fit our whole life into. Everything and everyone we know.

Isn’t it funny, however, that even though we focus on what we can see, on what’s right in front of us… sometimes… we miss it altogether?

The big picture.

The raw beauty that always surrounds us. The energy. The connectivity. The LOVE.

We prioritize possessions over experiences.

We think tomorrow is promised.

We take the act of breathing for granted.

We take our very existance… for granted.

When was the last time you thought of yourself as more than just your name, age, nationality, profession, gender or status…

When was the last time you contemplated yourself as a universe, within a universe, within a universe?

Who are you? What are you? Why are you here?

When was the last time you had a conversation with the real you?

Speak up, soul.

Speak loud.

This body is here to listen.

I suffer from F.O.B.S {& more confessions…}

I’ve procrastinated for over 2 weeks deliberating whether or not to write this article. Alas, here I am.

This is going to be a tad different from other posts. I’m going to get more personal and intimate with you. More open, more honest.

Am I a positive person? Hell yes.

Am I spiritual? I am constantly practicing spirituality.

Am I kind? The older I get, the kinder I get.

Am I good? As good as I want to be on a good day.

Am I perfect? No freaking way.

I am human after all.

Could I be better? Yes.

Could I be happier? Indeed.

Could I be more stable in my emotions? Absolutely!

Could I achieve great things? Yes. Yes. Yes.

What’s stopping me?

That is what we’re going to talk about today…

You see, I think that ever since childhood I’ve suffered from this particular syndrome.

I call it the F.O.B.S, i.e:

THE FEAR OF BEING SEEN

 

Just by hearing this, you can probably relate. Maybe it made you smile or shy away. Either way, I know I’m not alone in this.

The Fear of Being Seen Syndrome has plagued me my whole life.

Imagine that you are the sole owner of the biggest, brightest, clearest and finest diamond in the entire world. What do you do? Wear it around your neck everywhere you go? Or keep it somewhere hidden where you know it will be safe?

Now imagine, that diamond… is you. You are this beautiful, one of a kind gem. You’re priceless. So what do you do? Do you put yourself out there, lay your truth bare, stand naked in Times Square to show off your radiance? No… you hide it. You keep it safe. You protect it. Or at least that’s what you tell yourself…

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All these years, it’s what I told myself. I was SO AFRAID of being seen. Of someone discovering the REAL me. Of being recognized for who I really am. Of being noticed for my kindness, my thoughts, my words, my deeds, and most importantly…. My heart.

Yet, at the same time, I was DYING for someone to see beyond what I would show. Like some magic stare from some magical person could break through all the falsities and just see… me. If it happened like that, I would know that I was safe.

Ultimately, it was a fear of being hurt, rejected, judged, criticized, also a fear or raising the bar of expectations (for others and myself), a fear of not being able to go backwards, a fear of not recognizing myself, of losing the relationship I had with me. A fear of being inadequate, of not feeling like enough….. Basically, the entire dictionary of fears!

No matter what I did, I couldn’t shake these fears off my shoulders. I collected all my insecurities like jewelry and decorated myself with them.

For years I felt heavy. Unaware of the invisible weight I was carrying around with me. (not to mention the additional physical weight of top of that!)

It took me YEARS and I mean that literally to gain some perspective, some self-love and self-respect.

To love myself, want myself and choose myself the way I wanted others to.

It took me decades to value and appreciate my strengths, my talents, my gifts, my AWESOMENESS!

Like I am a GREAT listener (seriously, ask anybody), If you’re my friend you know you can always count on me, I’m a giving lover, I’m a challenging daughter (in a  good way hahaha, I love you Ma & Pa), I’m a grateful traveler, a pretty rad teacher. However, there are things I want to try that push me outside of that attractive comfort zone so I keep procrastinating because secretly I am terrified of trying new things (yup). For example, my friends tell me I have a really nice voice and I’ve got a knack for storytelling. I actually love to tell stories. However, making videos or starting a podcast intimidates me. (plus im not as technologically savvy as I seem…. You see what happened right there? Another limiting belief… * mental delete*)

These are things that I push through, little by little, piece by piece, day by day, until the puzzle is complete.

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I KNOW I have so much more to offer, to give away, to learn, to see, to be. Sometimes during my meditations I feel this power surge through me, begging me to be released. How? Where? Into what? These are the current questions that plague me.

How do I reach a state of full expression? Without limitations or restrictions?

How do I let myself show, completely, unapologetically, openly, strongly, and wholeheartedly?

How do I let go of my fear of being more that what I thought I was capable of?

How do I fall into all this gorgeous glory?

Gosh, does it really belong to me?

YES!!!! Because IT IS ME!

So, I guess, my advice to you after all these years of searching and hurting and growing and breaking and learning is the following:

Life is a story and you are the main character. You can choose to be the hero, the villain or the victim.

But ultimately, it’s your choice. You can hold so many titles. Play so many characters. Just choose the one that fits you best.

Every day I choose to be the hero. The warrior. The kindness agent. The dream maker. The philosopher. The gardener. The healer. The photographer. The artist. The musician. The nomad. The label breaker. The seamstress. The butterfly. The leaf. The sun rays. The treasure. The diamond. The student. The guest. The star. The instrument. The raindrop. The feather. The cloud. The ocean. The rock. The scientist. The lotus. The dragon. The swan. The passenger. The key. The pearl. The projector. The blank page. The entire damn Saga.

You are a soul. You are Concentrated Energy. Know this. Know the light that you hold. The power within.

Know your worth. Discover you’re limitless. Admire yourself.

You are everything you have ever searched for

You are Love

You are Peace

You are Happiness

You are Truth

You are Beauty

You are Bliss

Know this

Feel this

Be this

And allow yourself to shine through

All the fears and BS around you

Just…

Be.

Dear Reader,

I beg of you…

Remember your divinity.

 

{this article was mad scary to write so please be gentle with your comments. My big, open, heart would appreciate it. Thanks}

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What do You Want?

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When we want to achieve something, when we have something that needs to be done, what we’re doing is focusing our energy to accomplish said task.

So my question is:

What do you REALLY want out of this Life?

What are you focusing your energy on?

Does it make your heart sing?

Does it make your soul fly?

Does it make you want to cry out of sheer joy?

Are you living or surviving?

What can you do about it?

If there were no limitations, no “ifs” or “buts” or “maybes…”

No fear.

If failure wasn’t an option… what would you seek out of life?

You want to know what I want?

Are you ready to hear this?

Are you ready to give me what I need?

Because I want You.

I want to see you succeed.

I want to hear your dreams.

I want to help make them come true.

I want to love and be loved.

Without conditions, without boundaries,

Without words, without fears.

I want to abolish currency.

I want to pay for my muffin with love.

I want our hearts to be treated as celebrities,

Rolling out the red carpet whenever you catch a glimpse of it.

I want to have the liberty to not do things just for the money.

I want to live free of fear. In all its forms and masks.

Self-doubt, procrastination, caution, get lost.

I want the mountains closer to me.

I want rivers.

I want trees.

I want kisses that end wars.

I want to share my point of view with whomever is willing to listen.

I want to give you my eyes, so you can finally see how beautiful you really are to me.

I want a family. I want babies.

I want my soulmate to give me another chance.

Just one more.

I want to live forever.

I want to be remembered for who I am.

I want to be an example of vulnerability.

I want to get it all out on paper.

I can’t die with things still inside of me.

I want clarity.

I want yoga.

I want 4 a.m. meditations back.

I want to find my purpose.

I want closeness,

With every human being.

I want to play my part

In this vast Universe.

I want to make the most

Of this body

My soul has chosen to inhabit.

And of this soul,

That my body has awoken to.

I want simplicity.

Optimism.

Lightness.

Beauty.

I want a revolution.

I want to break the mold.

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Let Love In!

As long as you’re alive, eventually you will get hurt by someone. I used to think that wasn’t true. That eventually you could find someone that would NEVER hurt you. Now I know that i’ts not even about that. It’s not about finding the perfect person, it’s not even about being the perfect person. It’s about accepting everything that happens to you and being the person that stands up. Life is not about falling down, it’s about getting back up. What really makes us who we are is not the person that broke our heart, but the person we became after our heart was broken. Every second, we are given a choice. How you react to something makes all the difference in the world. You could choose to shut the world out, be angry, resent ever letting your guard down, make a vow to never trust another human being again… but who is that really hurting? No one but you.

As much as it hurts, as uncomfortable as it sounds… To love. To truly live and love… you have to give of yourself. You have to expose yourself, all the pieces of you.

In the end, all of this… our entire existence and this world of ours is pure energy. If you close yourself up, you’re balling your energy source up and creating an invisible barrier to all the forces outside you… No love going out and no love coming in.

You are a beautiful soul, an amazing human being. What you’re going through is temporary. It’s a stage, a phase. There is something wonderful waiting for you just around the corner and it’s going to show up when you least expect it (like it always does) and when it does, what are you going to do?

Are you going to hear the knock and open the door… or let it pass you by and tell yourself you’ll get it next time?

There is no sense in waiting. Your life is right now and as I’ve always said…Love is what it’s all about. If you are blocking any kind of love from coming through your door, you might want to make an exception today. You never know how it could turn out.

“Where there is love there is life!” -Mahatma Gandhi