I suffer from F.O.B.S {& more confessions…}

I’ve procrastinated for over 2 weeks deliberating whether or not to write this article. Alas, here I am.

This is going to be a tad different from other posts. I’m going to get more personal and intimate with you. More open, more honest.

Am I a positive person? Hell yes.

Am I spiritual? I am constantly practicing spirituality.

Am I kind? The older I get, the kinder I get.

Am I good? As good as I want to be on a good day.

Am I perfect? No freaking way.

I am human after all.

Could I be better? Yes.

Could I be happier? Indeed.

Could I be more stable in my emotions? Absolutely!

Could I achieve great things? Yes. Yes. Yes.

What’s stopping me?

That is what we’re going to talk about today…

You see, I think that ever since childhood I’ve suffered from this particular syndrome.

I call it the F.O.B.S, i.e:

THE FEAR OF BEING SEEN

 

Just by hearing this, you can probably relate. Maybe it made you smile or shy away. Either way, I know I’m not alone in this.

The Fear of Being Seen Syndrome has plagued me my whole life.

Imagine that you are the sole owner of the biggest, brightest, clearest and finest diamond in the entire world. What do you do? Wear it around your neck everywhere you go? Or keep it somewhere hidden where you know it will be safe?

Now imagine, that diamond… is you. You are this beautiful, one of a kind gem. You’re priceless. So what do you do? Do you put yourself out there, lay your truth bare, stand naked in Times Square to show off your radiance? No… you hide it. You keep it safe. You protect it. Or at least that’s what you tell yourself…

our-deepest-fear-is-not-that-we-are-inadequate-our-deepest-fear-is-that-we-are-powerful-beyond-measure

All these years, it’s what I told myself. I was SO AFRAID of being seen. Of someone discovering the REAL me. Of being recognized for who I really am. Of being noticed for my kindness, my thoughts, my words, my deeds, and most importantly…. My heart.

Yet, at the same time, I was DYING for someone to see beyond what I would show. Like some magic stare from some magical person could break through all the falsities and just see… me. If it happened like that, I would know that I was safe.

Ultimately, it was a fear of being hurt, rejected, judged, criticized, also a fear or raising the bar of expectations (for others and myself), a fear of not being able to go backwards, a fear of not recognizing myself, of losing the relationship I had with me. A fear of being inadequate, of not feeling like enough….. Basically, the entire dictionary of fears!

No matter what I did, I couldn’t shake these fears off my shoulders. I collected all my insecurities like jewelry and decorated myself with them.

For years I felt heavy. Unaware of the invisible weight I was carrying around with me. (not to mention the additional physical weight of top of that!)

It took me YEARS and I mean that literally to gain some perspective, some self-love and self-respect.

To love myself, want myself and choose myself the way I wanted others to.

It took me decades to value and appreciate my strengths, my talents, my gifts, my AWESOMENESS!

Like I am a GREAT listener (seriously, ask anybody), If you’re my friend you know you can always count on me, I’m a giving lover, I’m a challenging daughter (in a  good way hahaha, I love you Ma & Pa), I’m a grateful traveler, a pretty rad teacher. However, there are things I want to try that push me outside of that attractive comfort zone so I keep procrastinating because secretly I am terrified of trying new things (yup). For example, my friends tell me I have a really nice voice and I’ve got a knack for storytelling. I actually love to tell stories. However, making videos or starting a podcast intimidates me. (plus im not as technologically savvy as I seem…. You see what happened right there? Another limiting belief… * mental delete*)

These are things that I push through, little by little, piece by piece, day by day, until the puzzle is complete.

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I KNOW I have so much more to offer, to give away, to learn, to see, to be. Sometimes during my meditations I feel this power surge through me, begging me to be released. How? Where? Into what? These are the current questions that plague me.

How do I reach a state of full expression? Without limitations or restrictions?

How do I let myself show, completely, unapologetically, openly, strongly, and wholeheartedly?

How do I let go of my fear of being more that what I thought I was capable of?

How do I fall into all this gorgeous glory?

Gosh, does it really belong to me?

YES!!!! Because IT IS ME!

So, I guess, my advice to you after all these years of searching and hurting and growing and breaking and learning is the following:

Life is a story and you are the main character. You can choose to be the hero, the villain or the victim.

But ultimately, it’s your choice. You can hold so many titles. Play so many characters. Just choose the one that fits you best.

Every day I choose to be the hero. The warrior. The kindness agent. The dream maker. The philosopher. The gardener. The healer. The photographer. The artist. The musician. The nomad. The label breaker. The seamstress. The butterfly. The leaf. The sun rays. The treasure. The diamond. The student. The guest. The star. The instrument. The raindrop. The feather. The cloud. The ocean. The rock. The scientist. The lotus. The dragon. The swan. The passenger. The key. The pearl. The projector. The blank page. The entire damn Saga.

You are a soul. You are Concentrated Energy. Know this. Know the light that you hold. The power within.

Know your worth. Discover you’re limitless. Admire yourself.

You are everything you have ever searched for

You are Love

You are Peace

You are Happiness

You are Truth

You are Beauty

You are Bliss

Know this

Feel this

Be this

And allow yourself to shine through

All the fears and BS around you

Just…

Be.

Dear Reader,

I beg of you…

Remember your divinity.

 

{this article was mad scary to write so please be gentle with your comments. My big, open, heart would appreciate it. Thanks}

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I’m Happy to be Thankful!

I'm Happy to be Thankful!

Sometimes we forget to appreciate the little things in life… I’m happy when I walk into my local grocery store and my favorite mini cinnamon raisin bagels aren’t out of stock! I’m happy when my gas gauge isn’t on E when I step into the car, when I get a phone call from a friend just to find out how i’m doing. Then they’re bigger things we take for granted like our health, our wealth and the love that surrounds us. We take it for granted very often believing that it will never leave us. “You don’t know what you got til it’s gone” didn’t become a cliche for no reason. Focus on appreciating the little things in your life. Start trying to point out one thing a day, and before you know it becomes routine to be thankful for your own life! As Einstein put it:

“There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle.”

I prefer to live by the latter rule. How about you? =)

Carpe Diem…what does it really mean?

My first post is pertaining to my favorite Latin phrase “Carpe Diem” which means seize the day. Funny enough Carpe literally translates into “to pick, pluck, pluck off, cull, crop, gather, to eat food, to serve, to want”, however, Ovid who was a famous Roman poet used the word in the sense of “to enjoy, seize, use, make use of” thus providing the world with a timeless cliché.

Another interesting fact about Carpe Diem is that it stems from a longer quote… Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero which translates into “Seize the Day, putting as little trust as possible in the future”

For years, I’ve loved this quote. As a kid, I would use it to convince my parents to let me stay in the playground a little longer, have sleepovers with my friends on the weekends, take me to Disneyland…twice! As a teenager, it developed into a motto of sorts, that each day should be lived as though it was your last day on earth. Nowadays we refer to it as YOLO (You Only Live Once). So I used to do just that. I would get dropped to school in the morning, pretend to be walking in the doors and as soon as I saw my mom’s Mazda out of sight I would run for the hills where my equally awesome delinquent set of friends would be waiting for me. We would roam the streets of the city like it was no one’s business. Then, when the sun went down and the city came alive we would find a way to sneak into to all the cool clubs and be at all the cool gigs going on. I honestly don’t remember sleeping for 2 years. It was awesome. Then I moved away from the city to a beautiful island in the Caribbean, I settled in and got a job. In other words, I got older. And with age comes something that we seem to take for granted unless someone points it out to us…Wisdom. I can finally say I’ve only recently truly discovered what my favorite phrase that I would like to get tattooed on my arm actually means. I used to think it meant to live as if there was no tomorrow. I used to think that it meant freedom. To free oneself from the expectations of others, the responsibilities of your life. To live for yourself. And to live it now. But i was wrong. We live in a world where we have rules and systems put in place. Morning traffic, taxes, full-time jobs to pay for our loans, mortgages, insurance, expenses, etc etc etc. Carpe Diem doesn’t mean to abandon all that, it doesn’t mean to belittle all of that. It’s not just some bohemian concept for actors and artists or some catch phrase for blockbuster movies. It means that no matter who you are or what you do, that you matter. In the grand scheme of things, YOU are Important! YOU make a difference! So whatever you’re doing with your time, make sure you value it! Whether it’s sitting at your desk, or picking  your kids up from school or just trying to figure out how to pay rent this month, your life is unique. And today is all yours to do whatever you want to do with it. Kinda empowering once you realize how significant you are isn’t it?

Here’s an awesome song by Kris Allen titled “Live Like We’re Dying” just in case you haven’t caught on with the theme yet =P

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6jnynVLfLA

So I hope I have you basking in your new-found power when it comes to taking control of your life.

“Life is like a TV, and you’re the remote control” I just came up with that, but it sounds like something someone’s already said. lol

Have a LOVEly day!!!

-ME