I suffer from F.O.B.S {& more confessions…}

I’ve procrastinated for over 2 weeks deliberating whether or not to write this article. Alas, here I am.

This is going to be a tad different from other posts. I’m going to get more personal and intimate with you. More open, more honest.

Am I a positive person? Hell yes.

Am I spiritual? I am constantly practicing spirituality.

Am I kind? The older I get, the kinder I get.

Am I good? As good as I want to be on a good day.

Am I perfect? No freaking way.

I am human after all.

Could I be better? Yes.

Could I be happier? Indeed.

Could I be more stable in my emotions? Absolutely!

Could I achieve great things? Yes. Yes. Yes.

What’s stopping me?

That is what we’re going to talk about today…

You see, I think that ever since childhood I’ve suffered from this particular syndrome.

I call it the F.O.B.S, i.e:

THE FEAR OF BEING SEEN

 

Just by hearing this, you can probably relate. Maybe it made you smile or shy away. Either way, I know I’m not alone in this.

The Fear of Being Seen Syndrome has plagued me my whole life.

Imagine that you are the sole owner of the biggest, brightest, clearest and finest diamond in the entire world. What do you do? Wear it around your neck everywhere you go? Or keep it somewhere hidden where you know it will be safe?

Now imagine, that diamond… is you. You are this beautiful, one of a kind gem. You’re priceless. So what do you do? Do you put yourself out there, lay your truth bare, stand naked in Times Square to show off your radiance? No… you hide it. You keep it safe. You protect it. Or at least that’s what you tell yourself…

our-deepest-fear-is-not-that-we-are-inadequate-our-deepest-fear-is-that-we-are-powerful-beyond-measure

All these years, it’s what I told myself. I was SO AFRAID of being seen. Of someone discovering the REAL me. Of being recognized for who I really am. Of being noticed for my kindness, my thoughts, my words, my deeds, and most importantly…. My heart.

Yet, at the same time, I was DYING for someone to see beyond what I would show. Like some magic stare from some magical person could break through all the falsities and just see… me. If it happened like that, I would know that I was safe.

Ultimately, it was a fear of being hurt, rejected, judged, criticized, also a fear or raising the bar of expectations (for others and myself), a fear of not being able to go backwards, a fear of not recognizing myself, of losing the relationship I had with me. A fear of being inadequate, of not feeling like enough….. Basically, the entire dictionary of fears!

No matter what I did, I couldn’t shake these fears off my shoulders. I collected all my insecurities like jewelry and decorated myself with them.

For years I felt heavy. Unaware of the invisible weight I was carrying around with me. (not to mention the additional physical weight of top of that!)

It took me YEARS and I mean that literally to gain some perspective, some self-love and self-respect.

To love myself, want myself and choose myself the way I wanted others to.

It took me decades to value and appreciate my strengths, my talents, my gifts, my AWESOMENESS!

Like I am a GREAT listener (seriously, ask anybody), If you’re my friend you know you can always count on me, I’m a giving lover, I’m a challenging daughter (in a  good way hahaha, I love you Ma & Pa), I’m a grateful traveler, a pretty rad teacher. However, there are things I want to try that push me outside of that attractive comfort zone so I keep procrastinating because secretly I am terrified of trying new things (yup). For example, my friends tell me I have a really nice voice and I’ve got a knack for storytelling. I actually love to tell stories. However, making videos or starting a podcast intimidates me. (plus im not as technologically savvy as I seem…. You see what happened right there? Another limiting belief… * mental delete*)

These are things that I push through, little by little, piece by piece, day by day, until the puzzle is complete.

fabulous

I KNOW I have so much more to offer, to give away, to learn, to see, to be. Sometimes during my meditations I feel this power surge through me, begging me to be released. How? Where? Into what? These are the current questions that plague me.

How do I reach a state of full expression? Without limitations or restrictions?

How do I let myself show, completely, unapologetically, openly, strongly, and wholeheartedly?

How do I let go of my fear of being more that what I thought I was capable of?

How do I fall into all this gorgeous glory?

Gosh, does it really belong to me?

YES!!!! Because IT IS ME!

So, I guess, my advice to you after all these years of searching and hurting and growing and breaking and learning is the following:

Life is a story and you are the main character. You can choose to be the hero, the villain or the victim.

But ultimately, it’s your choice. You can hold so many titles. Play so many characters. Just choose the one that fits you best.

Every day I choose to be the hero. The warrior. The kindness agent. The dream maker. The philosopher. The gardener. The healer. The photographer. The artist. The musician. The nomad. The label breaker. The seamstress. The butterfly. The leaf. The sun rays. The treasure. The diamond. The student. The guest. The star. The instrument. The raindrop. The feather. The cloud. The ocean. The rock. The scientist. The lotus. The dragon. The swan. The passenger. The key. The pearl. The projector. The blank page. The entire damn Saga.

You are a soul. You are Concentrated Energy. Know this. Know the light that you hold. The power within.

Know your worth. Discover you’re limitless. Admire yourself.

You are everything you have ever searched for

You are Love

You are Peace

You are Happiness

You are Truth

You are Beauty

You are Bliss

Know this

Feel this

Be this

And allow yourself to shine through

All the fears and BS around you

Just…

Be.

Dear Reader,

I beg of you…

Remember your divinity.

 

{this article was mad scary to write so please be gentle with your comments. My big, open, heart would appreciate it. Thanks}

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I’ll Never be enough…

Have you EVER said this to yourself?

I’ll never be…

good enough

smart enough

pretty enough

thin enough

just… not enough.

I wish I could say I don’t have these thoughts about myself anymore, but every now and then they pop up to remind me of the limiting beliefs I used to hold as true.

Now I know just a little better…

Now I know that no matter what or when, I am ALWAYS enough.

It’s not even something I need to be, it is something I am inherently.

It’s my fears, my self-doubts, my poor self-esteem that keep me from seeing me for all that I am and for appreciating myself just as I am.

 

Doesn’t it hurt?

When you’re unkind to yourself?

Don’t you start to feel even worse?

Negative attracts negative. It’s a downward spiral from there. I know this feeling. I’ve seen myself fall down the ladder so many times. Gosh.

But you want to know the beautiful part? The really satisfying part? The empowering moment? It’s that split second. That instant where you make a decision to say NO to the self-loathing and YES to the self-loving. It’s getting up from your knees to make a stand again. It’s facing… everything. Including yourself. It’s the star of courage you earn, and the scar of gold etched onto your heart that makes it bearable.

YOU, my dear, are special. You probably already know that, maybe you’re sick of hearing it but I am telling you what I think about YOU and i know for a fact that…

YOU ARE SO SPECIAL!

You are one of a kind. No one on this planet can replace you. You have a unique gift for the world that only you can share. You are an explosive miracle!

Don’t believe me? Listen here to Jim Carrey…

So my dear, beautiful, kindred brother or sister, you beautiful soul… I urge you today to make the right choice.

No matter the problem or situation… Choose LOVE!

Share yourself with the Universe. Be that ocean in a drop.

self lveo

 

Choose YOU. Because you are so worth it!

lovemyself

 

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02/02 UPDATE: Don’t you just love SERENDIPITY? One day after my post, a brilliant article was posted on Elephant Journal. The subject matter was:

5 Truths to Remember when you Feel like you are Not Enough

Also, this amazing photo showed up on my feed:

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The Universe is conspiring lovely one. Feel it. Breathe it. Use it. Share it.

 

Video

Give your heartstrings a tug…

‘Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you
You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I’m winning
‘Cause I give you all, all of me
And you give me all, all of you

I rarely bring this kind of topic up because I don’t consider myself knowledgeable enough to share any kind of insight when it comes to love. What is love? What is to be in love? What is it to be loved in return? What is true love?

They’re all kinds of love, but at the core of every relationship, every action, every interaction, everything… there is love.

Love is what makes the world go round. I don’t care how corny I sound, I know this to be the ABSOLUTE TRUTH.

And when you love… when you let yourself love to the fullest extent, when you allow yourself to receive love… you radiate, you vibrate, you come alive.

I don’t think there’s anything more beautiful than to love someone wholeheartedly for the sole purpose of just loving them.

How many of you can think of someone you love unconditionally?

You know they’re flawed, you know all their quirks and shortcomings, you’ve been around for all their mistakes and yet you’re still there. You accept them for who they are because you know their heart… you know their soul.

When two people come together… transmitting the same frequency, vibrating the same energy… sharing one mind, one body and one soul. I think a communion like that is incomparable.

How do you achieve that?

In my own experience, I’ve learned that we only have a shot if we fulfill the following requirements:

  • Don’t let the past get in the way of your present.
  • Keep your Ego at bay.
  • Give yourself permission to act a fool.
  • Be vulnerable. So vulnerable it hurts.
  • Don’t question it. Don’t second guess yourself.
  • Don’t let other people’s opinions get in the way of your true feelings.
  • Find that “magical middle ground” where all the compromises happen.
  • Say “I’m Sorry” when you know you have to.
  • Say “I Love You” even if you don’t have to.
  • Listen to your inner voice, and don’t cramp her in. You want to share her/him.
  • LOVE YOURSELF FIRST

With the right person, these things come easy. With the “right but not right now” person, communication is key. Either way, there is a love out there. A love so fierce it will bend time and space. If you’ve got it, you know that each day is a new day you have to wake up and start all over again. If you don’t got it, it’s coming. It always does. Here’s to love!

Video

A Treasure Find

This was a true gift to me. A friend of mine emailed this to me and I was grateful that I had someone who cared about me, who thinks about me enough to share something as beautiful as this short film with me.
I’d like to pay it forward and share it with you in the hopes that you watch it and it brings a Smile to your face =]

PS – I’d like to give you a challenge if i may.

Compliment one person today.

It could be anyone and in any way. But be honest with your words. And speak from your heart. Let someone know you love them, appreciate them, respect them and admire them. There’s no such thing as too much.

I love you.
I appreciate you.
I respect you.
I admire you.

Video

Brave!

Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

Ever been bullied? Ever wanted to say something back? Ever wanted to stand up for someone else? Ever hurt someone with your words? Your actions? Your silence?

I was like that. I was shy and scared. I always kept my opinions to myself. Wrote everything in a diary.
Now I realize how selfish that was.
Yes! It’s selfish!

You have no idea how much of an impact you can make in this vast world.
I’ve been humbled to the ground when friends of mine thank me for my words. words of encouragement, of advice, of solace, of humor and even honesty.

We have this notion that only a certain kind of person is capable of being brave. NO! get rid of that idea right now.

You are Brave.

You just have to decide to do it. To be it. And you become it.

Your words are powerful. You have no idea how much someone could need to hear them from you today. So be brave, if not for you then for someone else.

And share your inner voice.

Show the world how big your Brave is!

P.S: If you don’t know how, feel free to take some pointers from Merida!