A Deeper Look Within…

I’ve been thinking a lot about the word “beauty”. When I think of beauty, I automatically think of nature. I think of the original state of a forest or the ocean. It just is and we find it beautiful. It made me think about how that relates to us. We also have an “original state of beauty”. An eternal form which is essentially beautiful. It exists deep within. Under the skin, before the make up, the masks, the clothes and the jewelry. It’s much deeper. You can see its shimmer sometimes through the eyes, the windows of the soul. You can see it sometimes in a smile. You can feel it in an embrace. I wrote this poem to help you remember. Remember how beautiful you are.    

 

Look at you.

Wow.

Just look at you.

You’ve made sadness an artist and gave your face away as a canvas and he has done a masterpiece with it.

The thing is… you’ve forgotten who you are and now you believe you are his work of art.

But sweetheart, I am here to tell you that you are not.

Take your pieces back. Reclaim yourself.

I see through it… all that bullshit you call real.

I see the raw, fierce beauty that lives underneath all that paint.

I see it wanting to be seen.

I see it.

I see you.

And you are fucking exquisite.

How you manage to will yourself asleep to play the part of the devil’s muse everyday I will never know.

Without speaking, you’re asking if it’s okay for you to fall.

Down, all the way.

Knees melting from the impact, flesh meeting earth, to revert back to your chemical composition.

Oxygen, carbon, hydrogen, nitrogen, calcium. You’re all there and there is nothing more than this.

Nothing else.

You’re tired of trying to convince yourself that there is.

You can’t take a second more of pretending, of trying, of smiling, of nodding, gossiping and comparing.

You want out of the contract you signed with blood the minute you were born.

You want to be at peace. You need to be at peace.

I respect and worship the power in your grit.

Do you know your worth, love?

Do you know your truth, love?

Because it knows you.

And it is waiting, just waiting for you.


There, in the silence, in the tender moments.
When you get tired of carrying all that weight,
When you think no one is watching and you let it go.
You take it off and slip into the subtle version of you.
That being of truth that knows your vastness,
Your expansiveness, your reach.


You are the answer to every question you’ve ever had.

Why are you living so shallow?

What keeps you so scared?

Why is it so easy to be so little when you have everything coursing through you?

Tell me. Talk to me. Spill your secrets.

I want to love you.

All that means is that I want to be who I am around you.

I want you to meet me here.

To stand firmly on honest ground.

To say who you are out loud.

I am Love.
I am Joy.
I am Bliss.
I am Beauty.

Say each one out loud and soak into it.

You know it’s true.

I feel it in you.

Don’t look away for validation.

You don’t even need to believe me,

All you have to do is remember.

You beautiful goddess creature, just remember where you came from.

Dim the lights and close your eyes and let yourself fly.

Go wherever you want to go, away from the drama, from the roles.

Away from the mundane, from the everyday.

In the silence, let the truth speak.

Let your heart tell you what you came here to do.

You crave to be something the world has never seen.

So ask yourself honestly…

What’s stopping you?

 

 

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The Pain of Perception

 

Check out the girl in this photo. How does she look to you?

If you had to describe the picture in one word what would it be?

Did any of the following words come to mind: Fat, Ugly, Insecure, Unworthy.

Probably not.

Here’s the deal. The girl in the pic? That’s me… about 3 years ago.

I was by a beach on the east coast of Argentina. They were truly happy days for me. But… what you probably don’t know and can’t pick up from this photo is how much self-loathing I had for myself.

You see… I write about love. Especially self-love… not because I am some hippie obsessed with love but because I KNOW what it’s like to be without love and the difference it makes to have love and further more, to recognize that you ARE love.

For years, I did not love myself. I hated my body, I hated the way I looked, the incessant hair that grew on my arms and face, I hated the clothes I had to wear because I was a girl, I pretty much disliked everything about me.

In my entire family, I felt like I was the only one who was overweight. I was also the only tomboy. The odd one. The black sheep. I didn’t want to get married so I was defying my parent’s principles and expectations and maybe even the illusion of their purpose for existence. Outcast. Marginalized. Rebel. But it didn’t make me proud. It hurt. It ached. But the truth was stronger than the pain. I knew I had to keep moving forward. And so I did… despite the opposition. I didn’t realize how brave that was.

But I looked at that picture above and I couldn’t help but laugh! I love that photo. It’s so beautiful. They’re a couple of pictures where you see a purple ring around me, a lot people say it’s my aura! It’s almost as if you could see the soul.

But you know what? During that moment, all I remember is how much I criticized myself. How well I put myself down, oh boy, I should’ve won some kind of prize. I didn’t appreciate my beauty. Not just physical. In general. I always focused on what I didn’t have or what I was missing or what I had in excess. Funny enough, now when I look at photos from the past all I can see is the beauty!

How could I not notice the beauty? I hope I am not coming across as vein now, haha, but really… honestly… if you guys knew how much I beat myself up for not fitting into a stereotype you would understand how elated I feel now to notice that I never had to. That it was so superficial. That I was never in competition with anyone. All I had to do is be me. I wish I could go back in time to the girl I was and appreciate her! Life would be so different…

But.. I am here now. Honoring myself. My beauty, my mind, my heart, my energy.

When I see that photo now, I remember that the girl in that photo, as flawed as she thinks she is, she is also beautiful. So beautiful, so free, so loving, so kind, so generous, so independent, so deep, so spontaneous and full of life! This is her essence.

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I can’t stress it enough. How you perceive yourself creates the filter, the lens through which you see everything… your entire world. How you see others is a reflection of how you see yourself. So if you see yourself as unworthy, you are going to seek worthiness in places and people…. and that just isn’t healthy. Trust me, I know.

The worst part is… no one can get you to do it. No matter how hard I try… I can’t make you love you. You have to decide to. Just like I did. One day, you just wake up and decide you are going to be loving and gentle and kind with your body, your heart and your mind.

So, whether you are a self-loving enthusiast, on the path or not there yet, know that I am here to support you in your journey. Because this is a journey. So don’t rush to get to the destination. All will come in due time. For now, observe yourself. Start noticing how you talk to yourself. How you communicate with your inner world. We think it’s okay because no one can hear us but we’re wrong. WE hear it. So just notice…. and find one thing about yourself that you absolutely LOVE. Like really, really love. Write it down, paint it, dance it, sing it, remix it, collage it, instagram or twitter it and bask in the joy of it!

Happy Sunday ❤

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If you would like to hear me go on and on about Love check out some of my previous posts! I will leave the links below:

An open love letter to my Heart

Let Love In

Same Love

You are LOVED

Higher Love

Strength in Vulnerability

I’ll Never Be Enough

Give your heartstrings a tug..

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I suffer from F.O.B.S {& more confessions…}

I’ve procrastinated for over 2 weeks deliberating whether or not to write this article. Alas, here I am.

This is going to be a tad different from other posts. I’m going to get more personal and intimate with you. More open, more honest.

Am I a positive person? Hell yes.

Am I spiritual? I am constantly practicing spirituality.

Am I kind? The older I get, the kinder I get.

Am I good? As good as I want to be on a good day.

Am I perfect? No freaking way.

I am human after all.

Could I be better? Yes.

Could I be happier? Indeed.

Could I be more stable in my emotions? Absolutely!

Could I achieve great things? Yes. Yes. Yes.

What’s stopping me?

That is what we’re going to talk about today…

You see, I think that ever since childhood I’ve suffered from this particular syndrome.

I call it the F.O.B.S, i.e:

THE FEAR OF BEING SEEN

 

Just by hearing this, you can probably relate. Maybe it made you smile or shy away. Either way, I know I’m not alone in this.

The Fear of Being Seen Syndrome has plagued me my whole life.

Imagine that you are the sole owner of the biggest, brightest, clearest and finest diamond in the entire world. What do you do? Wear it around your neck everywhere you go? Or keep it somewhere hidden where you know it will be safe?

Now imagine, that diamond… is you. You are this beautiful, one of a kind gem. You’re priceless. So what do you do? Do you put yourself out there, lay your truth bare, stand naked in Times Square to show off your radiance? No… you hide it. You keep it safe. You protect it. Or at least that’s what you tell yourself…

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All these years, it’s what I told myself. I was SO AFRAID of being seen. Of someone discovering the REAL me. Of being recognized for who I really am. Of being noticed for my kindness, my thoughts, my words, my deeds, and most importantly…. My heart.

Yet, at the same time, I was DYING for someone to see beyond what I would show. Like some magic stare from some magical person could break through all the falsities and just see… me. If it happened like that, I would know that I was safe.

Ultimately, it was a fear of being hurt, rejected, judged, criticized, also a fear or raising the bar of expectations (for others and myself), a fear of not being able to go backwards, a fear of not recognizing myself, of losing the relationship I had with me. A fear of being inadequate, of not feeling like enough….. Basically, the entire dictionary of fears!

No matter what I did, I couldn’t shake these fears off my shoulders. I collected all my insecurities like jewelry and decorated myself with them.

For years I felt heavy. Unaware of the invisible weight I was carrying around with me. (not to mention the additional physical weight of top of that!)

It took me YEARS and I mean that literally to gain some perspective, some self-love and self-respect.

To love myself, want myself and choose myself the way I wanted others to.

It took me decades to value and appreciate my strengths, my talents, my gifts, my AWESOMENESS!

Like I am a GREAT listener (seriously, ask anybody), If you’re my friend you know you can always count on me, I’m a giving lover, I’m a challenging daughter (in a  good way hahaha, I love you Ma & Pa), I’m a grateful traveler, a pretty rad teacher. However, there are things I want to try that push me outside of that attractive comfort zone so I keep procrastinating because secretly I am terrified of trying new things (yup). For example, my friends tell me I have a really nice voice and I’ve got a knack for storytelling. I actually love to tell stories. However, making videos or starting a podcast intimidates me. (plus im not as technologically savvy as I seem…. You see what happened right there? Another limiting belief… * mental delete*)

These are things that I push through, little by little, piece by piece, day by day, until the puzzle is complete.

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I KNOW I have so much more to offer, to give away, to learn, to see, to be. Sometimes during my meditations I feel this power surge through me, begging me to be released. How? Where? Into what? These are the current questions that plague me.

How do I reach a state of full expression? Without limitations or restrictions?

How do I let myself show, completely, unapologetically, openly, strongly, and wholeheartedly?

How do I let go of my fear of being more that what I thought I was capable of?

How do I fall into all this gorgeous glory?

Gosh, does it really belong to me?

YES!!!! Because IT IS ME!

So, I guess, my advice to you after all these years of searching and hurting and growing and breaking and learning is the following:

Life is a story and you are the main character. You can choose to be the hero, the villain or the victim.

But ultimately, it’s your choice. You can hold so many titles. Play so many characters. Just choose the one that fits you best.

Every day I choose to be the hero. The warrior. The kindness agent. The dream maker. The philosopher. The gardener. The healer. The photographer. The artist. The musician. The nomad. The label breaker. The seamstress. The butterfly. The leaf. The sun rays. The treasure. The diamond. The student. The guest. The star. The instrument. The raindrop. The feather. The cloud. The ocean. The rock. The scientist. The lotus. The dragon. The swan. The passenger. The key. The pearl. The projector. The blank page. The entire damn Saga.

You are a soul. You are Concentrated Energy. Know this. Know the light that you hold. The power within.

Know your worth. Discover you’re limitless. Admire yourself.

You are everything you have ever searched for

You are Love

You are Peace

You are Happiness

You are Truth

You are Beauty

You are Bliss

Know this

Feel this

Be this

And allow yourself to shine through

All the fears and BS around you

Just…

Be.

Dear Reader,

I beg of you…

Remember your divinity.

 

{this article was mad scary to write so please be gentle with your comments. My big, open, heart would appreciate it. Thanks}

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The Art of Being Alone…

This charming video pays tribute to the happy wholesomeness of being alone. Tanya Davis recites her poem about the ways of solitude, gently cataloging all the places where ‘aloneness’ can bring freedom and healing. Whether at a lunch counter, park bench, mountain trail, or on the edge of a dance floor – all you have to do is love yourself enough, to love being alone.

Lonely is a freedom that breathes easy and weightless and lonely is healing if you make it.

I couldn’t have said it any better. I used to have a friend who confessed to me that she “hated being alone”. She couldn’t stand it. Since she was 14, she had been dating someone and it’s what she knew. When she broke up with her first boyfriend at 18, in less than a week she’d gotten another one. This succession continues until today. Her last breakup was four months ago and this time she was heartbroken. It took her longer to get back on her feet, to fill that empty space in her life. She found herself confronted with… herself. And she didn’t like what she saw. That’s when her whole world changed. She told me “If I don’t like my own company, If I’m afraid of my own thoughts, If I don’t enjoy being with myself how is anyone else going to do it?” That’s when she made a promise to herself.

“I want to fall in love with me so I can enjoy being with just me, I want to do things just for me. I want to be happy without relying on anybody.”

She quit her job, got a new career, a new car, new clothes and a brand new attitude to go with it. If you see this girl now you’d never think that she once hated being alone.

Being alone is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. It opens up a portal to self-discovery. To awareness about yourself, who you are and your relationship to everything around you. It is inevitable to stumble upon your greatness, your depth, your beauty, your light. Don’t choose to be alone but if you find yourself in that situation, don’t see it as an inconvenience or a tragedy. Look at it as an opportunity to start dating and falling in love with yourself!

To read the entire poem you can visit this site.

To read my former post The Loudness In Silence, click here.

And remember, Loneliness and Solitude are very different things.

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The Loudness in Silence

The Loudness in Silence

I’ll be the first to admit that a long time ago I was afraid of being alone. It was a scary place to be. My mind was a constant moving train that would take me to endless places. If my emotions and my thoughts weren’t understood or controlled, I was taken on a surprise ride. I didn’t know when or where I’d end up. And most of the time it took me to dark places. It showed me things I wasn’t ready to face. I hated being alone but at the same time I hated being surrounded by people. I liked to be around people but at the same time be invisible. My environment would become a distraction to get out of my head for a minute. Then I had a mind-shift a few years back when I read and understood more about the power of my thoughts and emotions, about the Universe, about the important role of my interaction with others. Everything changed. Suddenly, I liked being alone. I welcomed it. I discovered meditation and I fell in love with it. I would spend countless hours alone with myself. But I wasn’t “avoiding” my reality, or “running away” from the world. I was discovering a new one. My own. It’s something that I still do up to this day and it has been the most amazing, inspiring, gratifying and humbling experience I’ve encountered. I’d like to think that the path I am on is thanks to being able to not only hear but also listen to my soul and its intention for me.
You will discover the synchronicity in the air and the alignment of the Universe when you start to act according to your soul.

 

A quick word of advice if you’re contemplating setting aside some good-old alone time for self-discovery.

1. The Ego will show up first. You will struggle with it. What you think is you achieving some kind of breakthrough is your Ego tricking you. The Ego has feelings and concerns too, if you can push past the barrier it creates you will discover a silence like never before.

2. Be prepared to be peaceful.

3. Be prepared to look at yourself in the mirror and not recognize the person staring back.

4. You are conducting a deliberate self-exploration experiment. Don’t go easy on yourself. If you turn a corner and don’t like what you see…keep walking. Because you know what? If you turn back, you’ll never discover the other things about you that you will LOVE.

5. Don’t forget your wings, you’ll need them once you takeoff.

Safe journey 🙂