A song for the Empath Heart

I’ve been MIA for quite a while. Work, Life, Family, Duty, Responsibility… all that gruelling stuff left me empty. Usually I’m better at handling these things, but it’s that time…retrograde, internal shifts, personal transformation, my body replacing every cell… and it snuffed the wind out of me. I felt tired, drained, empty.

How do you write from a space of emptiness? How do you share? How do you connect?

You don’t.

I knew I had to do something to get me out of the funk I was in. So you might’ve noticed the site is a bit different 🙂

Also, I’ve joined a writing course. It’s 30 questions in 3o days hosted by the striking Jeannette Leblanc.

We’re now onto day 8 I think or day 10? I’m not quite sure. I don’t write everyday… I haven’t been able to keep up with the questions but I love that I have them and I when I find the time I sit with them.

Today, I’d like to share what I wrote in response to the question of day 4. I didn’t expect it to come out the way it did. It seems like an ode or a pledge or a motto for empaths everywhere.

The art of writing what you’re feeling is pure magic. when someone shoots you with a question that hits as straight as a bullet you can do nothing but take the blow and let it flow…

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Question 4: Do you feel it is a weight or privilege to feel the world as deeply as you do? When it gets to be too much, how do you cope?

For years, the ignorance of being an empath felt like a curse. I prayed for someone else to notice too. If there was a fire, at least it’s something you could see and smell, you’d react immediately. Call whoever you call in emergencies.

I pray for a world, for a future where a broken heart is treated just as gently as a broken arm. Where we don’t need bravery to stand up and say to someone else “I’m not okay”. A future where our health plan includes mental sick days. None of us are really, truly okay. We’re all just trying our best. Falling down and getting back up again.

Let’s be more compassionate. More honest. More open. How sad it is that we can hide it so well, that they are masks big enough and strong enough to hold all the shame, the guilt, the doubt, the fear within. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?! I probably asked myself this question about a hundred times. Why are we so far from where we want to be, why do we pretend to be okay, what the hell does that mean anyway?!

I look at the old man sleeping on the streets and I know the drug addiction doesn’t let him think of much else, but I once knew him and he wasn’t always like this. He would be happy even if he had no home, no food or clothes, he’d be happy if he could get his daughter to look at him again. That’s the weight….

But you see that secretary at the bank? You could never tell but she loves to smile and let her hair down and go wild. Oh, you gotta see her dance. See that school teacher? He secretly thinks all his students are superheroes. That single mother? You don’t need to worry about her. Lorelai Gilmore is her role model. That teenager that hides her face under her dark black hair? She’s the smartest girl in the room. She’s going to grow up to do great things, just give it time. That’s the privilege.

I wouldn’t have it any other way. That’s just the way it is. We’ve been experiencing dichotomy ever since we entered these bodies. I’ve made my peace with the duality. If you want to feel, you gotta let it all in. I’ll admit it does get to be too much. I feel defeated at times. I’m waving the white flag but nothing… the war goes on.

What do I do? I retreat. I go inward. I go silent. I go numb. I go deaf. I go dumb…. Other times I break open, spill my heart out on the asphalt, I watch as little flowers grow along the sidewalk where the cracks once used to be. Other times I am the embodiment of mercy. I give what I have, I give what I don’t have, I give until it bleeds. I give it all away.

Most of all, I just sit and close my eyes and envision the light. I smile as I begin to feel the vibe of the beauty and love within me. the softness with which I think, act and speak. The power I have to fill myself with what I need. I am the best of me, I am the answer I seek. My fire burns fiery, deeply, kindly and honestly. Can you see it? That light in you. Does it ache for love, peace and truth too? Wake up and ignite with me. Will you burn with me, my friend? Let our fire guide the innocent and the lost. Heal the wounded and the broken. Let us rekindle trust. Let us bring back hope. Let us show hearts how to find their way back home. I cannot do it alone.

I suffer from F.O.B.S {& more confessions…}

I’ve procrastinated for over 2 weeks deliberating whether or not to write this article. Alas, here I am.

This is going to be a tad different from other posts. I’m going to get more personal and intimate with you. More open, more honest.

Am I a positive person? Hell yes.

Am I spiritual? I am constantly practicing spirituality.

Am I kind? The older I get, the kinder I get.

Am I good? As good as I want to be on a good day.

Am I perfect? No freaking way.

I am human after all.

Could I be better? Yes.

Could I be happier? Indeed.

Could I be more stable in my emotions? Absolutely!

Could I achieve great things? Yes. Yes. Yes.

What’s stopping me?

That is what we’re going to talk about today…

You see, I think that ever since childhood I’ve suffered from this particular syndrome.

I call it the F.O.B.S, i.e:

THE FEAR OF BEING SEEN

 

Just by hearing this, you can probably relate. Maybe it made you smile or shy away. Either way, I know I’m not alone in this.

The Fear of Being Seen Syndrome has plagued me my whole life.

Imagine that you are the sole owner of the biggest, brightest, clearest and finest diamond in the entire world. What do you do? Wear it around your neck everywhere you go? Or keep it somewhere hidden where you know it will be safe?

Now imagine, that diamond… is you. You are this beautiful, one of a kind gem. You’re priceless. So what do you do? Do you put yourself out there, lay your truth bare, stand naked in Times Square to show off your radiance? No… you hide it. You keep it safe. You protect it. Or at least that’s what you tell yourself…

our-deepest-fear-is-not-that-we-are-inadequate-our-deepest-fear-is-that-we-are-powerful-beyond-measure

All these years, it’s what I told myself. I was SO AFRAID of being seen. Of someone discovering the REAL me. Of being recognized for who I really am. Of being noticed for my kindness, my thoughts, my words, my deeds, and most importantly…. My heart.

Yet, at the same time, I was DYING for someone to see beyond what I would show. Like some magic stare from some magical person could break through all the falsities and just see… me. If it happened like that, I would know that I was safe.

Ultimately, it was a fear of being hurt, rejected, judged, criticized, also a fear or raising the bar of expectations (for others and myself), a fear of not being able to go backwards, a fear of not recognizing myself, of losing the relationship I had with me. A fear of being inadequate, of not feeling like enough….. Basically, the entire dictionary of fears!

No matter what I did, I couldn’t shake these fears off my shoulders. I collected all my insecurities like jewelry and decorated myself with them.

For years I felt heavy. Unaware of the invisible weight I was carrying around with me. (not to mention the additional physical weight of top of that!)

It took me YEARS and I mean that literally to gain some perspective, some self-love and self-respect.

To love myself, want myself and choose myself the way I wanted others to.

It took me decades to value and appreciate my strengths, my talents, my gifts, my AWESOMENESS!

Like I am a GREAT listener (seriously, ask anybody), If you’re my friend you know you can always count on me, I’m a giving lover, I’m a challenging daughter (in a  good way hahaha, I love you Ma & Pa), I’m a grateful traveler, a pretty rad teacher. However, there are things I want to try that push me outside of that attractive comfort zone so I keep procrastinating because secretly I am terrified of trying new things (yup). For example, my friends tell me I have a really nice voice and I’ve got a knack for storytelling. I actually love to tell stories. However, making videos or starting a podcast intimidates me. (plus im not as technologically savvy as I seem…. You see what happened right there? Another limiting belief… * mental delete*)

These are things that I push through, little by little, piece by piece, day by day, until the puzzle is complete.

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I KNOW I have so much more to offer, to give away, to learn, to see, to be. Sometimes during my meditations I feel this power surge through me, begging me to be released. How? Where? Into what? These are the current questions that plague me.

How do I reach a state of full expression? Without limitations or restrictions?

How do I let myself show, completely, unapologetically, openly, strongly, and wholeheartedly?

How do I let go of my fear of being more that what I thought I was capable of?

How do I fall into all this gorgeous glory?

Gosh, does it really belong to me?

YES!!!! Because IT IS ME!

So, I guess, my advice to you after all these years of searching and hurting and growing and breaking and learning is the following:

Life is a story and you are the main character. You can choose to be the hero, the villain or the victim.

But ultimately, it’s your choice. You can hold so many titles. Play so many characters. Just choose the one that fits you best.

Every day I choose to be the hero. The warrior. The kindness agent. The dream maker. The philosopher. The gardener. The healer. The photographer. The artist. The musician. The nomad. The label breaker. The seamstress. The butterfly. The leaf. The sun rays. The treasure. The diamond. The student. The guest. The star. The instrument. The raindrop. The feather. The cloud. The ocean. The rock. The scientist. The lotus. The dragon. The swan. The passenger. The key. The pearl. The projector. The blank page. The entire damn Saga.

You are a soul. You are Concentrated Energy. Know this. Know the light that you hold. The power within.

Know your worth. Discover you’re limitless. Admire yourself.

You are everything you have ever searched for

You are Love

You are Peace

You are Happiness

You are Truth

You are Beauty

You are Bliss

Know this

Feel this

Be this

And allow yourself to shine through

All the fears and BS around you

Just…

Be.

Dear Reader,

I beg of you…

Remember your divinity.

 

{this article was mad scary to write so please be gentle with your comments. My big, open, heart would appreciate it. Thanks}

,

I’ll Never be enough…

Have you EVER said this to yourself?

I’ll never be…

good enough

smart enough

pretty enough

thin enough

just… not enough.

I wish I could say I don’t have these thoughts about myself anymore, but every now and then they pop up to remind me of the limiting beliefs I used to hold as true.

Now I know just a little better…

Now I know that no matter what or when, I am ALWAYS enough.

It’s not even something I need to be, it is something I am inherently.

It’s my fears, my self-doubts, my poor self-esteem that keep me from seeing me for all that I am and for appreciating myself just as I am.

 

Doesn’t it hurt?

When you’re unkind to yourself?

Don’t you start to feel even worse?

Negative attracts negative. It’s a downward spiral from there. I know this feeling. I’ve seen myself fall down the ladder so many times. Gosh.

But you want to know the beautiful part? The really satisfying part? The empowering moment? It’s that split second. That instant where you make a decision to say NO to the self-loathing and YES to the self-loving. It’s getting up from your knees to make a stand again. It’s facing… everything. Including yourself. It’s the star of courage you earn, and the scar of gold etched onto your heart that makes it bearable.

YOU, my dear, are special. You probably already know that, maybe you’re sick of hearing it but I am telling you what I think about YOU and i know for a fact that…

YOU ARE SO SPECIAL!

You are one of a kind. No one on this planet can replace you. You have a unique gift for the world that only you can share. You are an explosive miracle!

Don’t believe me? Listen here to Jim Carrey…

So my dear, beautiful, kindred brother or sister, you beautiful soul… I urge you today to make the right choice.

No matter the problem or situation… Choose LOVE!

Share yourself with the Universe. Be that ocean in a drop.

self lveo

 

Choose YOU. Because you are so worth it!

lovemyself

 

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02/02 UPDATE: Don’t you just love SERENDIPITY? One day after my post, a brilliant article was posted on Elephant Journal. The subject matter was:

5 Truths to Remember when you Feel like you are Not Enough

Also, this amazing photo showed up on my feed:

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The Universe is conspiring lovely one. Feel it. Breathe it. Use it. Share it.

 

Find your WHY

There is a business strategy that argues that the most important thing to consider when starting a business isn’t what you sell, it’s not even about how you sell it. It’s why you sell it. Simon Sinek describes it as “The Golden Circle”

Why do we do what we do?

This theory can be translated into every aspect of life.

Consider these scenarios:

Why am I doing this job?

Why am I with this person?

Why do I dress the way I do?

Everything we do says something about us. From the cereal we like to the kind of shoes we wear. Everything is a statement and there is a “why” in all of it too.

If we were to analyze that why and figure out the reason because our actions and decisions, we could make better ones. We could create a life that is more representative of who we truly are. In the end, it all comes down to that. Being true to you.

 

Our why should make us want to come alive! It’s what makes us want to try. To keep going at it against all odds. There is a sense of purpose in your why.

It’s for this reason that I’ve began to study my own why.

Why did I start this blog?

I’d like to share my WHY with you.

I started this blog to be used as an outlet of my thoughts and feelings. I’ve had many mentors (life being one of them) and I’ve learned so much from my experiences that I wanted to be able to share them with someone else. I had learned something a few years ago and that was that no matter what you’re going through, you are not alone. You are NEVER alone. There is always going to be someone, somewhere out there that knows and feels exactly what you’re going through.  To me, learning that was comforting in a way I can’t quite explain. So I thought to myself…. If there’s someone out there that is currently feeling my pain, my sorrow, my despair, my confusion, making my mistakes then  that means that there’s also someone out there sharing my joy, my happiness, my passion, my awe, someone that was on the path of exploration and discovery, someone with my music tastes, someone just like me. So I started this blog to connect with… someone, anyone, everyone. My goal was to be able to make one person smile, question their reality, maybe even believe in themselves. I started this blog to meet the seekers, lovers, thinkers and dreamers and to inspire. That is my purpose. That is my why.

My URL is… callingonangelsdaily.wordpress.com

There is WHY behind that too.

I need a sign to let me know you’re here

All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere

I need to know that things are gonna look up

‘Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup

 

When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head

When you feel the world shake from the words that are said

 

And I’m calling all angels

I’m calling all you angels

 

I started this blog because I was once someone in search of something. I was the one that wanted a sign, that needed some guidance, some motivation and inspiration. I was the one calling on angels. Until I became one. My goal is to be here for you. To be your angel. To be that person that looks out for you. And I am not the only angel, in fact, we are all angels.

We are the angels we are calling out for.

Finally. The blog is called Diary of A Crazy Awesome Person

That’s presumptuous, someone might say. Indeed. So why would I call an inspirational blog by such an audacious name? Because growing up, I was told I was different and not in a good way. I was told I was weird. Weird turned into crazy. Crazy turned into reject.

I could’ve easily accepted the labels given to me and gone on a lived my “weird, crazy outcast life” but instead I chose to defy it.

I asked people “what makes me crazy? Why do you think that?”

Today, the same people that called me crazy now call me “awesome.”

So, how did that happen?

It was a shift in perspective. They were looking at me from the wrong angle. Once I got them to adjust their lens, they noticed another side of me.

I love being called crazy because I take it as a synonym of awesomeness and I will never apologize to anyone for who I am again.

This is me & this is my diary.

So I’ve spent some time really thinking about my WHY. Once you know your why, you can work towards achieving. Here are some of my why’s:

  • To inspire
  • To motivate
  • To create a space for people to feel safe
  • A space that teaches people to be kind
  • To be true to oneself
  • To spread positive energy wherever they go
  • To question dogma and labels
  • To be accepting of others who are different
  • To be vulnerable
  • To be honest
  • To be brave
  • To be generous
  • To live in the present moment

And first and foremost:

  • To love.

This is not a final list. That’s the beauty of it. I can add as much as I want to it. Just like you can with your life.

So find your why in whatever you do. Really dig in and find that truth.

It will set you free.

 

If you have any comments or suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments!

Have an awesome day, angels.

Wholehearted Living.

What is wholehearted living all about? It’s a lifestyle in which you decide to give the best of yourself on a daily basis. To let go of anger, resentment and defeat. It is a stance of empowerment. Of joy. Of peace. Of love. In my previous post on Brené Brown we discussed Vulnerability and Empathy in detail. Now I am presenting her concise list of ten steps you can take to practice wholehearted living. Notice that each steps starts with the word ‘cultivating’, that’s because it’s something we must prepare, something that we must plant like a seed and watch it grow each day as we take care of it. Our minds, our hearts and our souls must be cultivated, our inner light will always shine but the intensity ultimately depends on us. This is a process, there is no right or wrong, no judgment, no contest, no tournament to decide who is more ‘wholehearted’. No. This is something we can all strive to do, no matter who we are, where we’re from and/or what we believe in. Each one of us can make a difference, we can make a huge impact on a global level and it doesn’t take big leaps to do so. It starts with small steps. Small daily decisions that shape us into who we are. Our perceptions, our reactions, our interactions with others are what ultimately speak about us as a person. I’m still working on these steps, to be living a lifestyle in which they’re fully implemented. My mind still wanders, it  gets anxious, I still haven’t fully let go of what people think or being in control, but alas, like I said, it is a daily commitment to give the best of yourself.

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Are you Empathetic?

Dr. Brené Brown is a researcher-storyteller and kind of a rock star for me. I previously posted her TED Talk on Vulnerability where she laid out some deep truths in such an elegant and simplistic manner with a dash of humor in a way that only she could do.

In her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, Brown breaks down vulnerability to reveal what she calls “wholeheartedness”: The capacity to engage in our lives with authenticity, cultivate courage and compassion, and embrace — not in that self-help-book, motivational-seminar way, but really, deeply, profoundly embrace — the imperfections of who we really are. It is sheer brilliance.

In this sweet & short video, the Royal Society for the encouragement of Arts, Manufactures and Commerce (RSA) teamed up with animator Katy Davis to bring to life an excerpt from Brown’s longer talk on the power of vulnerability and the difference between empathy and sympathy, based on her most recent book, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. (also brilliant)

“The truth is, rarely can a response make something better — what makes something better is connection.”

How many of you can agree to this statement?

How many of us are actually connecting when we communicate?

In her book, Brown writes:

Vulnerability isn’t good or bad. It’s not what we call a dark emotion, nor is it always a light, positive experience.
Vulnerability is the core of all emotions and feelings. To feel is to be vulnerable. To believe vulnerability is weakness is to believe that feeling is weakness. To foreclose on our emotional life out of a fear that the costs will be too high is to walk away from the very thing that gives purpose and meaning to living.

[…]

Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.

How vulnerable are you willing to be?

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Give your heartstrings a tug…

‘Cause all of me
Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me
I’ll give my all to you
You’re my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I’m winning
‘Cause I give you all, all of me
And you give me all, all of you

I rarely bring this kind of topic up because I don’t consider myself knowledgeable enough to share any kind of insight when it comes to love. What is love? What is to be in love? What is it to be loved in return? What is true love?

They’re all kinds of love, but at the core of every relationship, every action, every interaction, everything… there is love.

Love is what makes the world go round. I don’t care how corny I sound, I know this to be the ABSOLUTE TRUTH.

And when you love… when you let yourself love to the fullest extent, when you allow yourself to receive love… you radiate, you vibrate, you come alive.

I don’t think there’s anything more beautiful than to love someone wholeheartedly for the sole purpose of just loving them.

How many of you can think of someone you love unconditionally?

You know they’re flawed, you know all their quirks and shortcomings, you’ve been around for all their mistakes and yet you’re still there. You accept them for who they are because you know their heart… you know their soul.

When two people come together… transmitting the same frequency, vibrating the same energy… sharing one mind, one body and one soul. I think a communion like that is incomparable.

How do you achieve that?

In my own experience, I’ve learned that we only have a shot if we fulfill the following requirements:

  • Don’t let the past get in the way of your present.
  • Keep your Ego at bay.
  • Give yourself permission to act a fool.
  • Be vulnerable. So vulnerable it hurts.
  • Don’t question it. Don’t second guess yourself.
  • Don’t let other people’s opinions get in the way of your true feelings.
  • Find that “magical middle ground” where all the compromises happen.
  • Say “I’m Sorry” when you know you have to.
  • Say “I Love You” even if you don’t have to.
  • Listen to your inner voice, and don’t cramp her in. You want to share her/him.
  • LOVE YOURSELF FIRST

With the right person, these things come easy. With the “right but not right now” person, communication is key. Either way, there is a love out there. A love so fierce it will bend time and space. If you’ve got it, you know that each day is a new day you have to wake up and start all over again. If you don’t got it, it’s coming. It always does. Here’s to love!

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You are worthy. You are so worth it!

Stop Being Perfect. Practice Gratitude. Love Wholeheartedly. You’ll Be So Glad You Did.

Brené Brown is a researcher-storyteller, and she’s about to blow the lid off all your insecurities.

I’d like to share my favorite part with you:

“Courage is from the Latin word Cor, which means heart. And the original definition of courage was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. And so these folks had very simply the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first. And then to others. They had connection as a result of authenticity. They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful”

Are you vulnerable?

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Strength in Vulnerability… And Love!

Just thought I’d share this with you.
What Portia says is something so profound. Take a minute for this quote to resonate with you:

“I used to think that the way to be strong was to be tough. I used to think that to be independent was to not need anyone. But she’s taught me that the more vulnerable you are and the softer you are and the more you allow people into your life and into your heart, the happier you are and the more valuable you are to other people.”

 

I couldn’t have put it better myself. We spend so much time putting up walls and keeping our distance from people so we don’t get hurt, but by doing that we deny ourselves the ability to achieve true strength and happiness. And I know it’s not easy, believe me I know. But it’s worth it =)

I also have a confession to make.. I’m a BIG fan of Ellen & Portia. They’re both just amazing, beautiful people. I was maybe like 8 or 9 years old when Ellen was doing stand-up but when I got older I used to watch her comedy show, I found her ridiculously hilarious, I remember her on Oprah when she publicly came out, starting her own show, meeting Portia and everything since. I think she’s an amazing woman…truly. And Portia as well. I just became aware of her book Unbearable Lightness & I will definitely be reading it soon! I admire their courage and beliefs. Ellen helps people everyday to achieve their dreams and spreads laughter. And isn’t that what life is all about?