I’ve been MIA for quite a while. Work, Life, Family, Duty, Responsibility… all that gruelling stuff left me empty. Usually I’m better at handling these things, but it’s that time…retrograde, internal shifts, personal transformation, my body replacing every cell… and it snuffed the wind out of me. I felt tired, drained, empty.
How do you write from a space of emptiness? How do you share? How do you connect?
I knew I had to do something to get me out of the funk I was in. So you might’ve noticed the site is a bit different 🙂
Also, I’ve joined a writing course. It’s 30 questions in 3o days hosted by the striking Jeannette Leblanc.
We’re now onto day 8 I think or day 10? I’m not quite sure. I don’t write everyday… I haven’t been able to keep up with the questions but I love that I have them and I when I find the time I sit with them.
Today, I’d like to share what I wrote in response to the question of day 4. I didn’t expect it to come out the way it did. It seems like an ode or a pledge or a motto for empaths everywhere.
The art of writing what you’re feeling is pure magic. when someone shoots you with a question that hits as straight as a bullet you can do nothing but take the blow and let it flow…
Question 4: Do you feel it is a weight or privilege to feel the world as deeply as you do? When it gets to be too much, how do you cope?
For years, the ignorance of being an empath felt like a curse. I prayed for someone else to notice too. If there was a fire, at least it’s something you could see and smell, you’d react immediately. Call whoever you call in emergencies.
I pray for a world, for a future where a broken heart is treated just as gently as a broken arm. Where we don’t need bravery to stand up and say to someone else “I’m not okay”. A future where our health plan includes mental sick days. None of us are really, truly okay. We’re all just trying our best. Falling down and getting back up again.
Let’s be more compassionate. More honest. More open. How sad it is that we can hide it so well, that they are masks big enough and strong enough to hold all the shame, the guilt, the doubt, the fear within. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?! I probably asked myself this question about a hundred times. Why are we so far from where we want to be, why do we pretend to be okay, what the hell does that mean anyway?!
I look at the old man sleeping on the streets and I know the drug addiction doesn’t let him think of much else, but I once knew him and he wasn’t always like this. He would be happy even if he had no home, no food or clothes, he’d be happy if he could get his daughter to look at him again. That’s the weight….
But you see that secretary at the bank? You could never tell but she loves to smile and let her hair down and go wild. Oh, you gotta see her dance. See that school teacher? He secretly thinks all his students are superheroes. That single mother? You don’t need to worry about her. Lorelai Gilmore is her role model. That teenager that hides her face under her dark black hair? She’s the smartest girl in the room. She’s going to grow up to do great things, just give it time. That’s the privilege.
I wouldn’t have it any other way. That’s just the way it is. We’ve been experiencing dichotomy ever since we entered these bodies. I’ve made my peace with the duality. If you want to feel, you gotta let it all in. I’ll admit it does get to be too much. I feel defeated at times. I’m waving the white flag but nothing… the war goes on.
What do I do? I retreat. I go inward. I go silent. I go numb. I go deaf. I go dumb…. Other times I break open, spill my heart out on the asphalt, I watch as little flowers grow along the sidewalk where the cracks once used to be. Other times I am the embodiment of mercy. I give what I have, I give what I don’t have, I give until it bleeds. I give it all away.
Most of all, I just sit and close my eyes and envision the light. I smile as I begin to feel the vibe of the beauty and love within me. the softness with which I think, act and speak. The power I have to fill myself with what I need. I am the best of me, I am the answer I seek. My fire burns fiery, deeply, kindly and honestly. Can you see it? That light in you. Does it ache for love, peace and truth too? Wake up and ignite with me. Will you burn with me, my friend? Let our fire guide the innocent and the lost. Heal the wounded and the broken. Let us rekindle trust. Let us bring back hope. Let us show hearts how to find their way back home. I cannot do it alone.